Always say thank you first

My grandfather epitomized the meaning of a patriarch in our family. He was a big man, both physically and mentally. I loved him, but also was a bit scared of him. He was a very religious man, stemming from his time in World War II. He had joined the air force after he married my grandmother, I believe. His plane was shot down and he was held hostage for a few months. He made God a promise that if he was released safely, he would never miss a day of church. And he kept that promise. Eight kids, busy career, traveling, he never missed a day. Even when he was dying and confined to his bed, he had a priest come and perform mass for him.

Bampa (as we called him) was also incredibly intelligent. He practiced law quite successfully and eventually became a judge. But as the stories go, sitting on the bench bored him and he even found himself arguing the cases for the lawyers because he felt he could do it better. So he retired and went back to practicing. His two sons followed suit, as did three grandchildren and some spouses. It's just what we do in this family - you either become a lawyer or marry a lawyer. He loved seeing his kids and grand-kids practice and never shied away from unloading his advice on them. Supposedly a few weeks (maybe a month or so) before he died, he helped one of his grand-kids rewrite his mock trial speech. I think he loved how influential he had been in his family and how much we all adored him.

One of this biggest lessons that I ever learned from him was the way he prayed. He always said that before you dare ask God for anything, you first thank him for all the many blessings he has given you. I have always remembered that and I'm proud to say I have done my best to follow his lesson. I've started praying a lot  recently - I think I feel it helps me find some solace during this whole crazy work situation. I've always been a person of faith, yet never really committed to the idea of prayer. But when I do it the way Bampa taught me, I think it helps me feel more at peace. I start to remember how lucky and blessed I am for the people in my life, the opportunities I've experienced, the laughter and memories I've shared and the good fortune that's certain to head my way.

Thank you again for all the joy, laughter, tears and challenges in my life. And thank you Bampa for watching over me and reminding me how lucky I am.

On the Verge

My life is about to change majorly. (Not sure if that's a real word, but we'll go with it.) In about a month, give or take, I'm probably going to lose my job. While it's ultimately for the best, it's still scary as hell and I'm not sure I'm really ready for the uncertainty that is about to become my future.

See, I got this job about a year & a half ago and couldn't wait to start. 2009 was gonna be my year - at least professionally. But after a few months, I started having some concerns about my boss and began questioning my decision. Now instead of being more responsible about the situation and even discussing those concerns with her, I pretty much pulled away and started hunting for a new job. Unfortunately that didn't happen as quickly as I expected and things continued going downhill. We had some ups, more downs and I just tried to do my job and avoid her. I know, I know - she's my boss, how can I avoid her? But truth be told, it wasn't that hard.

So fast forward to last week when she handed me my performance evaluation. It wasn't pretty. In fact, it was probably the ugliest looking review I've ever seen or heard of in my life. While I freely admit that I did not perform to the best of my ability, ultimately, the majority of this review is hogwash. And now I'm on the road to termination. But it is what it is. And I'm trying to stay positive about this whole situation. That was one of my resolutions this year - stay positive at work, try harder to restore the relationship and . . . still find a new job.

I've never been through a situation like this. It's all very fuzzy, scary and murky. But there are job opportunities out there and I just have to find the right one.

But that's also the scary thing - I really don't know what I want to to do next. I want to stay in my field - I know I'm good at my job. But there are so many industries and different options to do what I do. Somehow I just have to stay faithful that I'll find the right job and the right team and everything will work out.

It's definitely a scary time, but scary in an exciting way too. I'm sure I'll enjoy the time not working. I'll have more time to cook, work out, be lazy, maybe start some new projects I've been wanting to start. I'm confident I'll get a new job and one that will be the right fit for me.

Weird that I'm waiting to get fired, but at least I can have the right attitude about it, right?