On the Verge

My life is about to change majorly. (Not sure if that's a real word, but we'll go with it.) In about a month, give or take, I'm probably going to lose my job. While it's ultimately for the best, it's still scary as hell and I'm not sure I'm really ready for the uncertainty that is about to become my future.

See, I got this job about a year & a half ago and couldn't wait to start. 2009 was gonna be my year - at least professionally. But after a few months, I started having some concerns about my boss and began questioning my decision. Now instead of being more responsible about the situation and even discussing those concerns with her, I pretty much pulled away and started hunting for a new job. Unfortunately that didn't happen as quickly as I expected and things continued going downhill. We had some ups, more downs and I just tried to do my job and avoid her. I know, I know - she's my boss, how can I avoid her? But truth be told, it wasn't that hard.

So fast forward to last week when she handed me my performance evaluation. It wasn't pretty. In fact, it was probably the ugliest looking review I've ever seen or heard of in my life. While I freely admit that I did not perform to the best of my ability, ultimately, the majority of this review is hogwash. And now I'm on the road to termination. But it is what it is. And I'm trying to stay positive about this whole situation. That was one of my resolutions this year - stay positive at work, try harder to restore the relationship and . . . still find a new job.

I've never been through a situation like this. It's all very fuzzy, scary and murky. But there are job opportunities out there and I just have to find the right one.

But that's also the scary thing - I really don't know what I want to to do next. I want to stay in my field - I know I'm good at my job. But there are so many industries and different options to do what I do. Somehow I just have to stay faithful that I'll find the right job and the right team and everything will work out.

It's definitely a scary time, but scary in an exciting way too. I'm sure I'll enjoy the time not working. I'll have more time to cook, work out, be lazy, maybe start some new projects I've been wanting to start. I'm confident I'll get a new job and one that will be the right fit for me.

Weird that I'm waiting to get fired, but at least I can have the right attitude about it, right?